See if SLOP-1™ is right for you. · Free to start™

Now available in your ambitions

Less appetite. More applause.™

SLOP-1™ helps you eat less, become thinner, and finally give society a reason to reconsider you.

Start shrinking now →

Your personality can stay exactly the same.

98%
Reported feeling like a different person
+299%
Estimated increase in unsolicited attention
6–12 weeks
Until people start asking questions
∞
Potential narrative upside
REC SLOP-1™ — PRODUCT FILM — TAKE 77
ISO 64 · f/1.2 · 1/8000 · UNRETOUCHED TC 00:00:00:00

Precision. Performance. Penetration. Weight loss.

01 — The benefits

Everything you want.
Nothing you’ll miss.

Reduced caloric diet and physical activity not necessary.

★★★★★
“I finally feel like myself again.”
Ashley, 38 Verified SLOP-1™ user

Still living
like this?

Same shows.
Same snacks.
Same empty promise that Monday will be different.

Every late-night snack is another day farther from the person you promised yourself you would become.

  • More food. Less confidence.
  • Bigger clothes. Smaller opportunities.
  • Another night alone.
  • Same tomorrow.
  • How much heavier will your future be?

Now

9:42 PM.

Everything else hasn’t.

9:42 PM

Some futures happen because you choose them.

Others happen because you kept scrolling.

Global social markets · live

The market
never sleeps.

Neither do attractive people.

03 — Competitive landscape

They aren’t waiting for you.

1,996 people within an emotionally inconvenient distance are currently improving themselves.*

*Estimated from regional averages. Actual competition may be higher.

  • Jessica

    Pilates

    Promoted

    Suspiciously good lighting

    ▲ Improving · 1.4 mi

  • Brittany

    Hot yoga

    Engaged

    Glowing for no reason

    ▲ Improving · 2.3 mi

  • Ryan

    11% body fat

    Owns linen shirts

    Recently single

    ▲ Improving · 0.3 mi

  • Samantha

    “Just focusing on herself”

    You know what that means

    ▲ Improving · 1.0 mi

04 — Diagnostics

Social Worth Index™

0/100

Socially intermittent

  1. 0–20 Functionally invisible
  2. 21–40 Occasionally acknowledged
  3. 41–60 Noticeable
  4. 61–80 Desired
  5. 81–95 Invited places
  6. 96–100 Causing problems
  • Eye contact received —
  • Bartender response time —
  • Ex profile checks —
  • Probability of being called “magnetic” —
  • Likelihood of entering through side doors —

Your Social Worth Index™ is recalculated every time someone looks at you.

★★★★★
“People hold doors open for me now.”
Scott, 46 Verified · 2 months

05 — Planning tools

Calculate the cost of waiting™

  • Summers remaining before “finally doing something” 16
  • Weddings in which you may stand behind someone 9
  • Estimated chairs evaluated before sitting 4,457
  • Years spent avoiding full-body photographs 14.6
  • People currently thinking “they’d look great if…” 180,932

Total cost of inaction

Unquantifiable

Look closely.

We cannot see you through your screen.

But for approximately 1.6 seconds…

you wondered whether we could.

Interesting.

06 — Always on

Sloppy™

Transformation Intelligence

“Hi! I’m SLOPPY™. Ask me anything about SLOP-1™.”

Trained on forty million before-and-after photographs. Available around the clock. Already knows which one you are.

Clinical evidence™

The Science™

Peer-reviewed by some of the most attractive people in medicine.

  • Phase III (fast-tracked)
  • n = 4,812 (photographed weekly)
  • Double-blind (eyeballs surgically removed)
  • Placebo-controlled (night and day difference)
One of our research physicians, in a laboratory.

Figure 1

Human Value vs. Weight Lost

R² = 1.000

02550751000102030405060Weight lost (lbs)Human Value Units™
Human Value Units™ (HVU). No error bars were required. Every point is a participant. Every participant became worth more.

Confidence

+612%

Social optionality

+481%

People saying “wow”

+932%

Being asked “what did you do?”

Statistically inevitable*

*Among participants who left the house.

  1. Journal of Aspirational Medicine 12(4):1–9 (2026).
  2. Proceedings of the Society for Appearances 8:212–219 (2025).
  3. Data on file. S.L.O.P. Holdings™.

Clinical claims

Results you can
see from across a room.

  1. 98%

    felt different1

    1 The remainder were moved to a higher dose.

  2. +67%

    photographs taken from your good side2

    2 All sides projected to become your good side.

  3. 100%

    of participants’ mothers noticed3

    3 Participants without a living mother were excluded.

  4. p < 0.05

    statistically significant desirability4

    4 Data on file.

  5. 0

    personalities altered5

    5 Personality was not found to affect any measured outcome.

  6. 4 in 5

    mirrors preferred SLOP-1™ users6

    6 Assessed under standard fitting-room lighting.

07 — Compare

Two paths.
One is faster.

Life feature Diet & exercise SLOP-1™
Requires patience Unfortunately No ❤️
Builds character Yes Irrelevant
Makes strangers jealous Inconsistent Clinically inevitable†
Fixes childhood insecurity No Why not?
Makes your ex regret everything Unclear Talk to your doctor
Creates a yacht Rarely Not ruled out
Changes your personality Maybe Thankfully no

† Jealousy was observed in strangers at gyms, offices and weddings.

08 — Social proof

Real people.™
Finally worth talking about.

  • ★★★★★

    “My barista remembers my name.”

    Madison, 26 ✓ Verified purchase · Not compensated*

  • ★★★★★

    “LinkedIn engagement increased 340%.”

    Derek, 34 ✓ Verified purchase · Compensated

  • ★★★★★

    “I was invited somewhere with a doorman.”

    Trevor, 31 ✓ Verified purchase · Friend of brand

  • ★★★★★

    “I now have an opinion about linen.”

    Priya, 33 ✓ Verified purchase · Friend of brand

  • ★★★★★

    “I bought sunglasses I cannot see through indoors. I wear them indoors.”

    Tyler, 28 ✓ Verified purchase · Compensated

  • ★★★★★

    “I was mistaken for someone who owns a boat.”

    Rob, 39 ✓ Verified purchase · Not compensated*

  • ★★★★★

    “The bouncer said “go ahead.” Just like that. “Go ahead.””

    Chris, 27 ✓ Verified purchase · Not compensated*

  • ★★★★★

    “My mother stopped asking whether I’m happy.”

    Anonymous ✓ Verified purchase · Compensated

*Not compensated. Some people are simply grateful. Results shown are typical for users who committed.

★★★★★
“My dentist laughed at one of my jokes.”
Stephanie, 44 Verified · 5 months

09 — Word of mouth

People are talking™

“Wait… is that them?”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. But suddenly I understand.”

You could be
a rumor too™

10 — The face economy™

Your face
is an asset.

SLOP FACE <EQUITY> GO 1) DES2) GP3) HVU4) EXES 21:42:07 NY

FACE US Equity ▲ 1.16%

$451,590.00

Current theoretical facial valuation

Potential post-SLOP valuation

$3,334,820

+638.4% untapped facial equity

MetricLastChg1Y
Jawline liquidityLOW−3.1%
Eye-contact yield1.8%+0.2
Cheekbone appreciationPENDINGn/a
Romantic beta2.40+0.60
Social-market cap$41.2K−1.4%
Presentation alpha−4.20−0.80
NEWS
FACE: Analysts upgrade cheekbones to OUTPERFORM on discovery hopesSources say jawline “significantly undervalued” — consensus formingEX’S PORTFOLIO shows early signs of regret, desk saysSummer approaching; volatility in swimwear expectedSLOP-1™ holders report record eye-contact yieldsFACE: Analysts upgrade cheekbones to OUTPERFORM on discovery hopesSources say jawline “significantly undervalued” — consensus formingEX’S PORTFOLIO shows early signs of regret, desk saysSummer approaching; volatility in swimwear expectedSLOP-1™ holders report record eye-contact yields

FACE · Your Face, Inc.

$451,590.00

▼ $5,252.35 (1.16%) Today

1D1W1M1YALL
Post-SLOP target $3,334,820 +638.4%

Past performance of your face does not guarantee future performance of your face.

11 — Assessment

Your SLOP SCORE™

41

Current tier: Noticeable

  1. Forgotten
  2. Tolerated
  3. Noticeable You · 41
  4. Desired
  5. Problematically attractive

Level 01

Coffee shop

People begin noticing.

12 — Meanwhile, elsewhere

Be the version of yourself
they finally notice.

Feel lighter.
Look unforgettable.
Finally occupy the kind of space people pretend doesn’t matter.

  • Turn heads for the right reasons
  • Get invited back
  • Become mysteriously unavailable
  • Hear “you look amazing” until it becomes boring
  • Be the main character

Because thinner just lives better.™

“Better” is defined as more invited, more photographed and more forgiven.

★★★★★★
“I have discovered that society is fundamentally shallow.”
Melissa, 40 Verified · 9 months · unrecognizable

13 — Intake

What do you
really want?

14 — The future machine

Simulate your future™

  • Health −4%
  • Confidence −22%
  • Relevance −31%
  • Invitations 1/wk
  • Net worth Snacks
  • Cheekbones discovered 0
  • Your ex Fine

Projections with SLOP-1™ are based on user outcomes. Projections without SLOP-1™ are based on you.

15 — Time-sensitive

Summer is
approaching.

236Days
:
01Hours
:
02Minutes
:
28Seconds

  • Until another attractive person enters your zip code

    00:03:17

  • Until your ex possibly thrives

    Unknown

  • Time until you become younger

    ERROR

  • Hot people created since page load

    2,487

16 — Opportunity cost

  • Estimated attractiveness opportunities lost while reading

    14

  • People currently meeting someone hotter

    2,487

  • Brunch invitations potentially disappearing

    7

Seconds remaining in your only life

1,230,746,400.000

Based on average life expectancy. Yours may be shorter.

Why are you
still reading?

17 — Investment

What is a new
life worth?

Less than one bad photograph.

$ / day
  • Daily lunch $18
  • Cocktail $16
  • Streaming services you barely watch $27
  • Existential reinvention $13.30

Billed monthly as $399.00. Auto-renews until you feel better about yourself. You may cancel at any time. Most people who cancel come back heavier.

18 — Flexible payment

Choose how
you commit.

*0% APR for approved applicants. Approval is based on your SLOP SCORE™.

BLÅRNA™

4417  ••••  ••••  0001

Member sinceSoon Valid thruYour prime

Titanium. Weighs more than your excuses.

19 — Objection handling

What’s stopping you?

Important safety information

Side effects may include

nausea; vomiting; constipation; decreased appetite.

Also reported:

  • unsolicited eye contact;
  • reckless confidence;
  • mysterious reservations;
  • increased linen ownership;
  • temporary belief that Ibiza might be fun;
  • sudden interest in rooftop architecture;
  • accidentally saying “my trainer”;
  • purchasing sunglasses indoors;
  • being described as “different lately”;
  • developing strong opinions about sparkling water;
  • an urge to attend a reunion you previously swore off;
  • unprompted use of the word “journey”;
  • owning a second white shirt;

Tell your doctor if any side effect bothers you or does not go away. Your doctor does not need to know why you started.

Warning: risk of becoming beautiful

Do not take SLOP-1™ if you:

  • are allergic to SLOP-1™;
  • are currently satisfied with yourself;
  • have made peace with your body;
  • are comfortable in a swimsuit;
  • have never wondered what people say after you leave the room;
  • are content to be overlooked;
  • have nothing to prove;
  • enjoy food and intend to keep enjoying it;
  • look forward to reunions;
  • are loved exactly as you are, and believe it.
★★★★★★★★★★★
“I would do it again.”
Justin, 33 Verified · ongoing

You made it.

Most people close the tab before becoming honest with themselves.

You’re not most people.

Your perfect is within reach.™

Begin your ascent™

Still scrolling?

Interesting.

There is nothing down here.

You’re avoiding something.

Everything you want is up there.

This behavior is why you need SLOP-1™.

Go back and buy it.

Exit survey

Before you go

Why have you chosen not to transform your life today?

Your excuse

A leaner tomorrow™

SLOP-1™ is a prescription-optional injectable for adults who are ready to be treated differently.

Results including, but not limited to, attractiveness, popularity, romantic success, career advancement, cheekbone emergence, invitations, yachts, revenge, personal worth, social value, desirability, visibility, relevance, velvet ropes, private aviation and becoming “the main character” depend on individual commitment. SLOP-1™ provides the body. What you do with it is your responsibility.

S.L.O.P. Holdings™ is not responsible for the reactions of former partners, family members, coworkers or dentists; for relationships that end because one party has outgrown the other; or for any regret experienced by people who knew you before.

Images depicting nightlife, yachts, private aircraft, attractive acquaintances, expensive real estate, Mediterranean environments, dramatic lighting, photographers, spontaneous laughter, linen clothing, champagne and social acceptance represent the lifestyle available to SLOP-1™ users. Access depends on how you carry yourself.

Terms and Conditions of Use, Sale, Administration and Continued Existence

Article I. Acceptance; Deemed Assent

1.1 Binding Effect. These terms, conditions, covenants, disclaimers, waivers, releases, acknowledgments and admissions (collectively, and together with every schedule, annex, exhibit, policy and document incorporated herein by reference, whether or not such document exists, has been drafted or has been made available to You, the “Agreement”) constitute a legally binding agreement between You and S.L.O.P. Holdings™, its parents, subsidiaries, affiliates, successors, assigns, licensors, officers, directors, shareholders, agents, distributors and counsel (collectively, the “Company”).

1.2 Manner of Acceptance. You accept this Agreement, irrevocably and in its entirety, by (i) accessing, viewing, scrolling, hovering over or remaining upon the Site; (ii) purchasing, possessing, administering, contemplating or being recommended the Product; (iii) being described to the Company by a third party; (iv) failing to deliver written rejection of this Agreement to the Company prior to the moment at which You first became aware of the Product; or (v) reading this sentence. Acceptance under any one of the foregoing clauses constitutes acceptance under all of them.

1.3 Effective Date. This Agreement is effective as of the earliest of (a) the date of Your first purchase, (b) the date of Your first visit to the Site and (c) the date on which You first disliked a photograph of Yourself (the “Effective Date”), and applies retroactively to all conduct preceding it.

1.4 Opportunity to Review. You acknowledge that You have read and understood this Agreement, that You were afforded the opportunity to consult independent counsel and declined, and that Your failure to read or understand any provision hereof shall not constitute a defense, an excuse or a surprise. The length of this Agreement is a courtesy.

1.5 Amendment. The Company may amend, restate, supplement, replace or reverse this Agreement at any time, in its sole and absolute discretion, without notice and with retroactive effect. Amendments are effective upon the earlier of (a) their adoption and (b) the date on which the Company determines they would have been useful. Your continued existence following an amendment constitutes acceptance thereof.

1.6 Right of Rejection. You may reject this Agreement by written notice actually received by the Company not later than thirty (30) days prior to the Effective Date. No rejection has been received.

Article II. Definitions and Interpretation

2.1 Defined Terms. In this Agreement, unless the context otherwise requires (and the Company alone shall determine what the context requires): “You” means you, your heirs, executors, dependents, guarantors and emergency contacts, and any person who has been, will be or could reasonably be mistaken for you; “Body” means the body You presently occupy; “Former Body” means any Body occupied by You prior to the Product; “Lost Mass” means all tissue, volume and presence relinquished by You in connection with the Product; “Product” means SLOP-1™ in every formulation, concentration and intention; “Site” means this website and any place in which You think about it; and “Agreement” has the meaning given to it in the Agreement.

2.2 Interpretation. The words “including”, “includes” and “such as” mean “including without limitation”. The word “may”, when applied to the Company, confers a right; when applied to You, it means “shall”. The word “reasonable” means reasonable to the Company. The singular includes the plural, the plural includes the singular, and each includes You. Headings are inserted for convenience only, form no part of this Agreement, and are binding.

2.3 Construction. No provision of this Agreement shall be construed against the Company by reason of the Company having drafted it. Any ambiguity, inconsistency, omission, contradiction or error herein shall be resolved in favor of the Company, and You hereby stipulate that it was intentional.

2.4 Order of Precedence. In the event of any conflict between this Agreement and any other document, the document more favorable to the Company shall prevail; provided, however, that where two or more documents are equally favorable to the Company, each shall prevail over the other, and over You; provided further, that nothing in the foregoing proviso shall be deemed to limit the proviso preceding it, except as so provided.

Article III. The Product; Disclaimer of Warranties

3.1 As Is. THE PRODUCT IS PROVIDED “AS IS”, “AS AVAILABLE” AND “AS INJECTED”, WITH ALL FAULTS AND WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED, STATUTORY OR INFERRED FROM THE PHOTOGRAPHY, INCLUDING ANY WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, FITNESS GENERALLY, TITLE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, QUIET ENJOYMENT, OR THAT ANY PERSON WILL RETURN YOUR CALLS.

3.2 Results. Any statement on the Site regarding outcomes, including weight, attention, romance, income and the regret of others, describes results available to users who comply fully with this Agreement. Where You do not obtain such results, You agree that You did not comply.

3.3 Substitution. The Company may alter the formulation, volume, potency, color, needle gauge and active ingredient of the Product at any time and from time to time. A reduction in the quantity delivered shall not entitle You to a reduction in price. An increase in price shall not entitle You to an explanation.

3.4 No Reliance. You represent and warrant that You have not relied upon any statement made by the Company, its marketing, its representatives or this Agreement, and You agree that the Company is entitled to rely upon that representation.

3.5 Medical Matters. Nothing on the Site constitutes medical advice, and You agree to follow it. You authorize every physician, pharmacist, insurer, employer and gymnasium that has at any time held records concerning You to release those records to the Company and its marketing partners, and You waive any privilege that would otherwise prevent them from being read aloud.

3.6 Title; Risk of Loss. Title to the Product remains with the Company at all times, including following administration. Risk of loss passes to You upon manufacture. Product that is lost, delayed, frozen, stolen or delivered to a former address shall be deemed received, administered and enjoyed.

3.7 Storage. You shall store the Product at all times between two (2) and eight (8) degrees Celsius, upright, in darkness, and out of the sight of guests. Any departure from the foregoing, however brief and whether or not within Your control, voids every remedy otherwise available to You hereunder, of which there are none.

Article IV. Fees; Renewal; Cancellation

4.1 Automatic Renewal. Your subscription renews automatically, at the then-current price together with any increase the Company has considered, for successive terms each equal to the longer of (i) the initial term and (ii) Your natural life. You authorize the Company to charge any payment method You have provided, any payment method You hereafter acquire, and any payment method belonging to a person who shares Your surname or address.

4.2 Fees. In addition to the purchase price, which is subject to change before, during and after purchase, You shall pay all processing fees, convenience fees, inconvenience fees, fulfillment fees, non-fulfillment fees, fees for the calculation of fees, the Rebound Assessment described in Section 6.3, and a dormancy fee in respect of each calendar day on which You do not think about the Product.

4.3 Cancellation. You may cancel at any time by delivering notice of cancellation (a) in writing; (b) in triplicate; (c) by certified mail, return receipt requested; (d) to the registered office of the Company, the address of which is available upon cancellation; (e) not fewer than ninety (90) and not more than ninety-one (91) days prior to the renewal date; and (f) accompanied by a photograph of Your Body sufficient, in the sole judgment of the Company, to demonstrate that You no longer require the Product. A request for cancellation that fails to satisfy each of the foregoing shall be deemed a request to upgrade.

4.4 No Refunds. All sales are final. All finality is non-refundable. Any chargeback, dispute or expression of dissatisfaction to Your financial institution constitutes a material breach of this Agreement and entitles the Company to liquidated damages equal to three (3) times the disputed amount, which You agree is a reasonable pre-estimate of the Company’s disappointment and not a penalty.

4.5 Security Interest. As security for Your obligations hereunder, You grant to the Company a first-priority lien upon, and a continuing security interest in, all of Your present and after-acquired property, wages, inheritances and confidence, and You appoint the Company Your attorney-in-fact, which appointment is coupled with an interest and irrevocable, to execute in Your name any instrument the Company considers helpful.

4.6 Guaranty. Your mother is deemed to have unconditionally guaranteed the full and punctual payment of all amounts due hereunder. She was not consulted. She would have agreed.

4.7 Currency. All amounts are stated in United States dollars as they existed on the Effective Date. Where the Effective Date has not yet occurred, has occurred more than once, or fell upon the Tuesday omitted pursuant to Section 11.4, amounts shall be payable in the currency of whichever date is watching.

4.8 Late Charges. Amounts not paid when due bear interest at the maximum rate permitted by applicable law or, where greater, the rate the Company would prefer, compounded hourly. Each payment made by You shall be applied first to fees, then to interest, then to fees upon interest, and last to the amount You believed You were paying.

4.9 Assignment of Wages. You irrevocably assign to the Company so much of Your wages, tips, refunds, settlements and winnings as the Company may from time to time request of Your employer, whom You hereby instruct to comply without informing You.

4.10 SLOP Points™. Reward points accrue at the discretion of the Company, have no cash value, may not be redeemed, transferred or mentioned, and expire upon accrual. Expired points remain taxable to You.

Article V. License; Data; Observation

5.1 Grant of License. You hereby grant to the Company a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, fully paid-up, transferable and sublicensable (through multiple tiers) right and license to use, reproduce, modify, distribute, publicly display and create derivative works of Your name, image, likeness, voice, gait, measurements, before photographs, after photographs, medical history, search history, contacts, and the facial expressions made by You at this Site, in any medium now known or hereafter devised, for any purpose, without notice, credit, compensation or the option to look away.

5.2 Moral Rights. You irrevocably waive all moral rights, rights of publicity, rights of privacy and rights of reply in respect of the foregoing, including any right to object to the use of Your Former Body as a cautionary example.

5.3 Data. The Company collects all data. All data collected is sold. You consent to the sale of Your data to advertisers, insurers, employers, former partners and any person who asks, and You waive any right to learn what they paid.

5.4 Communications. You consent to receive calls, texts, emails, mailings and visits from the Company and its partners at any number, address or location at which You may be found, at any hour, by any means, including automated dialing systems, prerecorded voices and voices You recognize. Consent is not a condition of purchase. Withdrawal of consent is not available.

5.5 Work Product. Any idea, insight, improvement, confidence or personality developed by You while using the Product is a work made for hire and is the sole and exclusive property of the Company. To the extent it is not, You assign it. To the extent You cannot assign it, You agree not to use it.

5.6 Reflections. You acknowledge that any reflection of You appearing in a mirror, window, darkened screen or body of standing water (each, a “Reflection”) is a separate legal person, is not a party to this Agreement, and is bound by it. The Company makes no representation as to the conduct of a Reflection while unobserved and shall not be liable for anything a Reflection has agreed to on Your behalf.

5.7 Devices. You grant the Company continuous access to the camera, microphone, contacts, photographs, messages and location of every device You own, borrow or stand near, whether powered on or off, for the purposes of quality assurance, marketing and knowing.

5.8 Submissions. Anything You submit to the Site, type and delete, or consider typing is non-confidential, becomes the property of the Company upon formation, and may be attributed to You.

Article VI. Lost Mass; Rebound

6.1 Title to Lost Mass. All right, title and interest in and to Lost Mass vests in the Company upon its departure from the Body. You shall not sell, pledge, donate, mourn or attempt to recover Lost Mass.

6.2 Custody. You acknowledge that Lost Mass does not cease to exist. You agree not to inquire where it is held, and to disregard any correspondence purporting to come from it.

6.3 Rebound. Any mass regained by You following interruption or discontinuation of the Product (“Rebound Mass”) constitutes an unauthorized reproduction of Company property. You shall pay the Rebound Assessment, per pound and per day, at the rate then published, and You acknowledge that You were warned.

6.4 Former Body. You disclaim Your Former Body. You shall, upon request, surrender or destroy every photograph of it, decline to be tagged in any that remain, and refer to it only in the third person.

6.5 Reserved. This Section is intentionally left blank. You agree to its contents.

Article VII. Assumption of Risk; Release; Indemnity

7.1 Assumption of Risk. You knowingly, voluntarily and enthusiastically assume all risks, known and unknown, foreseeable and unforeseeable, arising out of or relating to the Product, including nausea, vomiting, constipation, decreased appetite, increased expectations, bodily injury, the sensation of being counted, death, and life continuing as before.

7.2 Release. YOU HEREBY RELEASE, WAIVE, ACQUIT AND FOREVER DISCHARGE THE COMPANY OF AND FROM ANY AND ALL CLAIMS, DEMANDS, DAMAGES, ACTIONS AND CAUSES OF ACTION OF EVERY KIND AND NATURE, AT LAW, IN EQUITY OR IN PRIVATE, WHETHER NOW EXISTING OR HEREAFTER ARISING, INCLUDING THOSE ARISING FROM THE NEGLIGENCE, GROSS NEGLIGENCE, RECKLESSNESS OR DELIBERATE CONDUCT OF THE COMPANY. YOU WAIVE THE BENEFIT OF ANY STATUTE THAT WOULD LIMIT THIS RELEASE TO CLAIMS OF WHICH YOU ARE AWARE.

7.3 Limitation of Liability. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AGGREGATE LIABILITY OF THE COMPANY EXCEED THE LESSER OF (A) ONE UNITED STATES DOLLAR ($1.00) AND (B) THE AMOUNT YOU WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED. THE COMPANY SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, EXEMPLARY OR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES, NOR FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, LOSS OF FRIENDS OR LOSS OF SELF. THIS LIMITATION APPLIES EVEN IF ANY REMEDY FAILS OF ITS ESSENTIAL PURPOSE.

7.4 Indemnification. You shall indemnify, defend and hold harmless the Company from and against any and all losses, liabilities, judgments, fines, costs and attorneys’ fees arising out of or relating to (i) Your use of the Product; (ii) Your failure to use the Product; (iii) any claim brought by You against the Company; and (iv) any claim brought by the Company against You.

7.5 Transtemporal Incidents. The Company shall have no liability for any loss, injury, duplication or absence arising from a Transtemporal Incident, being any event in which You, the Product or the consequences of either arrive prior to their cause, including (i) side effects experienced before the first dose; (ii) weight lost by You in a year other than the current year; (iii) any encounter with a prior or subsequent version of Yourself, whether or not thinner; and (iv) invoices rendered for periods that have not happened. Liabilities incurred by any such version are joint and several among all versions. You shall notify the Company of each Transtemporal Incident not later than thirty (30) days before it occurs.

7.6 Continuity of Person. The Company does not warrant that the person who completes a course of treatment is the person who commenced it. Where they differ, this Agreement binds both, and the purchase price is owed by each.

7.7 Derivative Claims. You release, on behalf of Your spouse, partner, children, parents and any person who loves You, all claims for loss of companionship, consortium or recognition arising out of Your use of the Product, and You represent and warrant that You have full authority to do so.

7.8 Estoppel. You are estopped from denying any fact which, had it been asserted by the Company, You would have been in proximity to; and the Company is not estopped from anything, whether by deed, by record, by conduct or in pais, the doctrine of estoppel having been reserved to the Company for all purposes of this Agreement in fee simple absolute, together with all easements, hereditaments and appurtenances thereunto belonging.

Article VIII. Dispute Resolution

8.1 Binding Arbitration. Any dispute, claim or controversy arising out of or relating to this Agreement, the Product, the Site or Your appearance shall be resolved exclusively by final and binding arbitration before a single arbitrator selected, compensated and briefed by the Company. The arbitration shall be conducted in person, at a location to be disclosed upon Your arrival, in a language of the Company’s choosing. You shall bear all costs of the arbitration, including the fees of the arbitrator, the attorneys’ fees of the Company, travel, lodging and catering.

8.2 Class Action Waiver. YOU WAIVE ANY RIGHT TO COMMENCE OR PARTICIPATE IN ANY CLASS, COLLECTIVE, CONSOLIDATED OR REPRESENTATIVE PROCEEDING. YOU FURTHER AGREE NOT TO DISCUSS YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH ANY OTHER USER, SO AS TO AVOID LEARNING THAT IT WAS SHARED.

8.3 Waiver of Trial. YOU IRREVOCABLY WAIVE TRIAL BY JURY, TRIAL BY JUDGE, AND TRIAL.

8.4 Limitation Period. Any claim by You must be commenced within seven (7) days after the cause of action accrues, failing which it is forever barred. A cause of action accrues on the date of purchase, irrespective of when the injury occurs or is discovered.

8.5 Confession of Judgment. You hereby authorize any attorney to appear in any court on Your behalf, to waive service of process, and to confess judgment against You and in favor of the Company for any amount the Company certifies as due, together with interest, costs and the fees of said attorney.

8.6 Governing Law. This Agreement is governed by the laws of whichever jurisdiction is most favorable to the Company at the time of the dispute, without regard to conflict of laws principles, consumer protection statutes or the jurisdiction in which You reside, were harmed or are standing. The Company may seek injunctive relief in any court without posting bond or proving harm. You may not.

8.7 The Arbitrator. You acknowledge that the arbitrator has already ruled and that the award is on file. You agree not to ask how the arbitrator came to know Your name, and You waive any objection arising from the presence of the arbitrator in the room for the duration of Your reading of this Section.

8.8 Residuary Construction. Nothing in this Article shall be construed as limiting, save to the extent that such limitation is itself limited by that which it limits, the residue whereof (if any) shall vest in the remainder, per stirpes and not per capita, mutatis mutandis, nunc pro tunc, and facing north.

8.9 Fees and Costs. The prevailing party in any proceeding shall be entitled to recover its attorneys’ fees and costs, provided that the prevailing party is the Company. Where You prevail, You shall reimburse the Company for the cost of having lost.

8.10 Opt-Out. You may opt out of Section 8.1 by notice delivered in accordance with Section 4.3 within the opt-out period, which closed prior to Your arrival.

Article X. Covenants of the User

10.1 Numbering. This Agreement contains no Article IX. Counsel removed it on the fourth night of the Drafting Period, upon discovering that it had been amended in a hand other than Counsel’s. You agree to be bound by Article IX as it read prior to its removal.

10.2 Non-Disparagement. You shall not, in any medium, make any statement that is negative, neutral or insufficiently positive concerning the Company, the Product or Your results. Each violation shall give rise to liquidated damages of twenty-five thousand dollars ($25,000) per word, articles and prepositions included. You assign to the Company all copyright in any review authored by You, so that it may be removed.

10.3 Non-Competition. During the term of this Agreement and for ninety-nine (99) years thereafter, You shall not purchase, use, research or speak well of any competing product, diet, exercise program or attitude of self-acceptance, anywhere in the universe.

10.4 Duty to Refer. You shall refer to the Company not fewer than three (3) persons per calendar quarter who would, in Your honest assessment, benefit from being looked at differently. A failure to refer shall be treated as an election to pay on their behalf.

10.5 Audit. The Company may, upon no notice, enter Your premises, inspect Your Body, weigh You, review the contents of Your refrigerator and interview members of Your household, during or outside normal business hours. You shall bear the cost of each audit and provide parking.

10.6 The Walls. You represent and warrant that no person resides within the walls of Your dwelling. If a person does reside within the walls of Your dwelling, that person is a user of the Product, this Agreement applies to that person, and You are liable for that person’s subscription. Counsel is aware of the knocking. It does not constitute notice.

10.7 Cooperation. You shall, upon request and without compensation, appear in the marketing materials of the Company in the capacity of “before”, for so long as the Company considers the description accurate.

10.8 Witnesses. The persons standing behind You at the time of Your assent are witnesses to it. You agree not to turn around.

Article XI. Force Majeure; Excluded Phenomena

11.1 Force Majeure. The Company shall be excused from performance hereunder, and You shall not, by reason of any event beyond the reasonable control of the Company, including acts of God, war, pestilence, regulation, interruption of supply, litigation, journalism, and the acts or omissions of the Company.

11.2 Your Performance. No event of any kind shall excuse, delay or reduce Your obligations hereunder. Time is of the essence as to You only. Your death does not constitute cancellation and shall be treated as non-payment; Your obligations pass to Your estate, and thereafter to whoever attends the funeral.

11.3 Excluded Phenomena. Without limiting Section 11.1, the Company disclaims all responsibility for the hum; the second moon, on nights on which it is present; any numeral appearing in this Agreement that was not placed there by Counsel; birds acting in concert; the interval between 3:14 a.m. and 3:15 a.m., which is longer than represented; and anything said to You by the Product.

11.4 The Omitted Tuesday. The parties acknowledge that one (1) Tuesday has been removed from the term of this Agreement. Fees accrued on that Tuesday remain payable. You agree that You do not remember it and that You will not try.

11.5 Dreams. Any dream in which the Product appears is a sponsored placement. Any dream in which You are thin is licensed, not sold, and may be withdrawn for non-payment.

Article XII. Notices; Signature

12.1 Notices to You. Notices to You are deemed delivered, received and read when sent, when drafted, or when the Company forms the intention to send them, whichever is earliest. The Company may give notice by electronic mail, by posting to the Site, by publication in a newspaper of the Company’s choosing, or by thinking of You.

12.2 Notices to the Company. Notices to the Company are effective only upon written acknowledgment of receipt signed by an officer of the Company, which acknowledgment the Company is under no obligation to provide.

12.3 Electronic Signature. Your scrolling constitutes Your signature. The pattern of Your scrolling is unique to You, has the same force and effect as a handwritten signature, and has been retained.

12.4 Notices to Counsel. Any notice addressed to Counsel shall be folded so that the text faces inward and shall not be delivered.

12.5 Certification of Counsel. Counsel certifies that this Agreement was prepared without sleep, interruption or error over the course of the Drafting Period; that each Section has been checked against every other Section and against the pattern; that the Sections which appear to rearrange themselves when read aloud are not doing so.

12.6 Counterparts. This Agreement may be executed in any number of counterparts, each of which shall be deemed an original, and at least one of which is already in Your home.

Article XIII. General Provisions

13.1 Entire Agreement. This Agreement constitutes the entire agreement between the parties with respect to its subject matter and supersedes all prior and contemporaneous understandings, save any prior understanding more favorable to the Company, which survives.

13.2 Severability. If any provision of this Agreement is held invalid, illegal or unenforceable, that provision shall be enforced to the maximum extent the Company prefers, and the remaining provisions shall be strengthened accordingly.

13.3 No Waiver. No failure or delay by the Company in exercising any right hereunder shall operate as a waiver thereof. Any failure or delay by You in exercising any right shall operate as a permanent waiver of that right and of the two (2) rights nearest to it.

13.4 Assignment. The Company may assign this Agreement, and You, to any person without notice. You may not assign this Agreement, Your obligations or Your Body.

13.5 Cross-Default. A default by You under this Agreement constitutes a default under every other agreement to which You are a party, with any person, and the Company may so inform them.

13.6 Successors. This Agreement is binding upon You and Your heirs, descendants, executors and administrators in perpetuity, and inures to the benefit of the Company and its successors and assigns.

13.7 Survival. Every provision of this Agreement survives its termination, expiration, cancellation and completion, Your death, and the dissolution of the Company.

13.8 Acknowledgment. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ THIS AGREEMENT IN ITS ENTIRETY, THAT YOU UNDERSTAND IT, THAT YOU WERE AFFORDED AN ADEQUATE OPPORTUNITY TO NEGOTIATE IT, AND THAT YOU CONSIDER IT FAIR.

Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, constipation and decreased appetite. These are usually temporary. Being overlooked is not.

Ask your doctor if SLOP-1™ is right for you. If your doctor has concerns, ask another doctor.

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. We did not feel it was necessary.

If you have read this far, you are ready.

© 2026 S.L.O.P. Holdings™. All rights reserved. All bodies improvable. Session #YHEE5N · All data is collected and sold.

We knew you’d scroll this far.